I know that you have wished to avoid me, but I.. can no longer grant that wish for you. I do not have the strength, nor the selflessness.
[ he cares too much for jing yuan, cannot bring himself to waste what time they have together here, when it could be so very brief. dan feng, even now, is perhaps too selfish to let him go. ]
[ it was dan feng who declared that he would not impose his presence on jing yuan, who decided that they were better off entirely disconnected. and while jing yuan had felt like his heart had just been torn out of his chest a second time, the world's imprinting scheme meddling with what are neatly-bound feelings, he respected the high elder enough to acquiesce to his wishes.
once more, he shifts his eyes, schooling his expression. ]
Nonetheless, it comforts me to see you again, High Elder, circumstances aside. [ his gaze flickers to the vidyadhara's face, sighing. ] Your face ...
[ jing yuan schools his expression, and dan feng sighs softly. yes, it was he who declared it, but only under the belief that jing yuan did not wish to be close with him, that jing yuan was avoiding him - he is here to rectify his foolish mistake, unwilling to sacrifice what time they have left. anything could happen, at any time. he needs to get his priorities in order.
they both do.
so dan feng approaches, though he lifts a hand instinctively to brush his fingertips along the edge of his bandage. ]
It is nothing you need to worry about. I'm healed. I would simply rather it not be seen. It would seem that you suffered the same.
[ jing yuan stiffens when dan feng reaches a hand, cool fingertips brushing against his cheek. the sensation is fleeting, however, the high elder clearly concerned about the bandage instead. understandable, the last time he must've seen him injured is over seven hundred years ago when he still served as a soldier.
he softly smiles. ]
An ailment that seems to affect many.
[ he's seen a few natives with their own brand on their cheek before they fled into their own homes, just as ashamed by the writing. it isn't shame that jing yuan keeps his hidden, but the desire not to be asked about it. ]
I'm glad to hear that yours is healed, High Elder.
Indeed.. [ many, and many more. the two of them are not immune. ] The wound is closed, I am only waiting for the scar to fade.
[ his cut deep. very deep. it will be some time until the word fades entirely, even with the application of cloudhymn and healing creams. jing yuan's gentle smile makes his chest tighten, and dan feng sighs softly, drawing his hand away to clasp them both together over his abdomen. ]
Jing Yuan, I -
[ he starts, then presses his lips together, a crease in his brow. where to begin? his voice softens. ]
I know that you would prefer to avoid me, but I.. I can no longer accept that. Perhaps I am still as selfish as I have always been, but knowing you are here, yet not seeing you or speaking with you - that's not something that I can endure any longer.
this may just be the first time he's seen dan feng hesitant, uncertain. the once-high elder had always been proud, a towering symbol of power and authority over the vidyadhara. but here, in front of him, he's pulling away, his words carefully selected and constructed. it pains jing yuan to see him like this, so unlike the dan feng he's known. ]
High Elder.
[ he takes a step closer, his hands hovering close to dan feng's arms but not touching. ]
I could see that my presence hurts you, that you would look at me and an expression of sadness would settle on your face. [ regret, sorrow, despair. ] I didn't want to inflict you further hurt.
[ when jing yuan steps closer, rather than further away, dan feng feels a small sliver of relief lessen in the knot around his heart. those hands reach for him, but do not touch, so dan feng takes the initiative to meet him the rest of the way, folding his hands over jing yuan's and squeezing lightly. even through his gloves, he can feel the warmth kindling from their bond. it soothes. ]
Things have been done that cannot be undone. What I've done has hurt us both in ways that do not easily heal, if ever.
[ to act as if the blow he dealt them all was not devastating would be disingenuous. he will not look away from his sin. ]
There can be no changing that. But being apart from you is far, far more painful than anything your presence could make me feel. There is no torment that the Shackling Prison could inflict that would rival the ache of being apart from my chosen family. From you, Ah Yuan.
[ it's far more candid than dan feng would ever have been all those years ago - he always preferred to show his love, rather than tell - but too much has changed, and so very much is at stake, even now. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
.. would you rather that I leave and last longer?
[ he says, with a frown, his chin held high. ]
I know that you have wished to avoid me, but I.. can no longer grant that wish for you. I do not have the strength, nor the selflessness.
[ he cares too much for jing yuan, cannot bring himself to waste what time they have together here, when it could be so very brief. dan feng, even now, is perhaps too selfish to let him go. ]
no subject
... That wasn't what I meant.
[ it was dan feng who declared that he would not impose his presence on jing yuan, who decided that they were better off entirely disconnected. and while jing yuan had felt like his heart had just been torn out of his chest a second time, the world's imprinting scheme meddling with what are neatly-bound feelings, he respected the high elder enough to acquiesce to his wishes.
once more, he shifts his eyes, schooling his expression. ]
Nonetheless, it comforts me to see you again, High Elder, circumstances aside. [ his gaze flickers to the vidyadhara's face, sighing. ] Your face ...
no subject
they both do.
so dan feng approaches, though he lifts a hand instinctively to brush his fingertips along the edge of his bandage. ]
It is nothing you need to worry about. I'm healed. I would simply rather it not be seen. It would seem that you suffered the same.
no subject
he softly smiles. ]
An ailment that seems to affect many.
[ he's seen a few natives with their own brand on their cheek before they fled into their own homes, just as ashamed by the writing. it isn't shame that jing yuan keeps his hidden, but the desire not to be asked about it. ]
I'm glad to hear that yours is healed, High Elder.
no subject
[ his cut deep. very deep. it will be some time until the word fades entirely, even with the application of cloudhymn and healing creams. jing yuan's gentle smile makes his chest tighten, and dan feng sighs softly, drawing his hand away to clasp them both together over his abdomen. ]
Jing Yuan, I -
[ he starts, then presses his lips together, a crease in his brow. where to begin? his voice softens. ]
I know that you would prefer to avoid me, but I.. I can no longer accept that. Perhaps I am still as selfish as I have always been, but knowing you are here, yet not seeing you or speaking with you - that's not something that I can endure any longer.
no subject
this may just be the first time he's seen dan feng hesitant, uncertain. the once-high elder had always been proud, a towering symbol of power and authority over the vidyadhara. but here, in front of him, he's pulling away, his words carefully selected and constructed. it pains jing yuan to see him like this, so unlike the dan feng he's known. ]
High Elder.
[ he takes a step closer, his hands hovering close to dan feng's arms but not touching. ]
I could see that my presence hurts you, that you would look at me and an expression of sadness would settle on your face. [ regret, sorrow, despair. ] I didn't want to inflict you further hurt.
no subject
Things have been done that cannot be undone. What I've done has hurt us both in ways that do not easily heal, if ever.
[ to act as if the blow he dealt them all was not devastating would be disingenuous. he will not look away from his sin. ]
There can be no changing that. But being apart from you is far, far more painful than anything your presence could make me feel. There is no torment that the Shackling Prison could inflict that would rival the ache of being apart from my chosen family. From you, Ah Yuan.
[ it's far more candid than dan feng would ever have been all those years ago - he always preferred to show his love, rather than tell - but too much has changed, and so very much is at stake, even now. ]